bed rest.

it sounds so dreamy and like something every over-worked, exhausted, fatigued, mother - nearly-9-months-pregnant-mother, at that - would love to endure.  a sort of twisted vacation, if you will.  but, the reality of it is just not so; it's kinda the pits.

i'm on day 3 of bed rest.  i'm finding it challenging to stop the mental lists from tallying up; to push aside the what-ifs that start at the midnight hour; to be ok with just laying around while someone else cares for my children.

over the past 9 months, having my mother around has been a huge help.  jb would not have started gymnastics last fall if she had not been here.  and, while that seems like something so trivial, it's always the little things that make such a difference, right?  nana lynn's house building project is nearing the end, so in a matter of a year, i will have gone from just my two helping (ok, so it's more like wrangling) hands to two addition sets!  i know you mamas out there would love to have an extra pair (ok, so realistically, they'd be attached to your body, but stay with me here...)  it's times like these where i'm so thankful and humbled and - i just have to get over myself.

i don't think of myself as a controlling person, but i think when you step into the role of mom, and stay-at-home mom, at that, i think it's pretty likely that you'll form your own routines, you'll know what works purely by the ol' trial and error technique, and it's easy to get set in those ways.  ben parents sooo differently than me (that so could have had another 5 o's, for sure), and we've come along way - i've come along way - in letting him do his thing, while i do mine.  

as much as i want to complain, i know this could all be so much worse.  i'm 35.2 weeks, and i will be on bed rest until week 37.  after that, i'm free to roam about the cabin house.  i can get back to nesting and nursery-making.  ben and i can finish our bedroom wall display that has been, like, 5 years in the making.  i wanted to organize all my fabric that is nearly taking over a corner of our bedroom.  but, all that will have to wait.  as of today, i've downloaded new apps for my phone, synced my itunes account, filled my dvr with movies, and i'm up to date in baby 3's book.  i need to slow it down and save some mind-numbing fun for later.  like, tomorrow and the next day.  and the day after that...

my midwife came for a home visit today.  while it would have been nice to get out of the house, grab an iced latte and visit with her at the birth center, it was rather comfy & cozy meeting in my bed.  she informed me that my bed rest extends only to bathroom breaks and showers - every 3 days.  sheesh.  i've got my herbs on hand for keeping my contractions at bay, but so far, any movement sets off that oh-so-important muscle.  it's nice to be assured that my body remembers what to do but just not yet.

here's to a quick two weeks!  

33 weeks.

i'm 8 months already.  that's 8 months down, 2 to go.  40-some odd days left.  maybe.

i'm feeling large.  waddle-ly.  i go from uncomfortably full to a crazy-famished stupor in a 5-minute period.  i've been measuring a week and a half ahead for several months now... maybe i'll be lucky enough to go early.

ah.

that's it - i've jinxed myself.  but, i would like to put it out there in the blogosphere that i've gone on a due date, and i've gone 13 days late.  i think it's time to go a little early - for everyone's sake - especially my dear husband's.

i keep a fairly clean home.  i know everyone warned me that this habit would fall to the wayside once i brought kids into the mix, but if anything, i've just become a little more ocd, with a droplet of neuroticism when it comes to germs, sanitizing and overall order.  

there's no way to keep on top of the mess the kiddos create with all their trucks (jb), puzzles, books, purses & doo-das (dyl), and of course the plethora of blankies and lovies that get dragged out during the day.  i can deal with that because both kids are great at cleaning up after themselves.  

but.

the dusting has always been my kryptonite.  i remember so far back as to bargaining with my brother "matt, i'll do everything else, if you just do the dusting..."  i guess i still have some years before i can do that with the kids.  

yesterday, it hit me like a mack truck:  lights, plants, cabinets, fans, vents.  must.  clean.  now.  i spent nap time and well into the dinner hour, cleaning my kitchen, top to bottom.  well, no.  not quite bottom.  i noticed when i was pulling out my pots and pans for dinner that the cupboards needed to be vacuumed inside.  that will just have to wait for a later date.  gotta save some fun for later...

i just about worked myself into labor.  i wouldn't know this for many hours later, of course.  i took apart my pendant lights, dusting the fixtures all the way up to our vaulted ceiling.  it was at this time, i noticed the ceiling fans - got those, too.  then, while i was up on my pedestal (see: stool) i caught glimpse of my philodendrons - oh, the humanity.  i usually clean these buggers when i can place them on the deck and shower them off with the garden hose.  but, my deck is covered with snowfall.  and it's only 20+ degrees outside.  so what did i do?  cleaned what i could in the sink, and then, wiped off each individual leaf while sitting on my bum.  the kids came in and out of the kitchen with their own versions of WTH! while i joyfully wiped and listened to iTunes for the better part of the afternoon.  feeling quite serene and collected.  oh, the insanity of a pregnant woman.  

i finished my chores for the day (ok, evening) by vacuuming and wiping down the tops of the cupboards and the large vents in the hallways and bedrooms.  up went the plants, back to their warm and cozy home, pretty leaves glistening with newfound sheen.

after dinner clean up, bedtime stories, toof brushing and smooches, i spent the evening, counting my braxton hicks and wondering if my water was going to burst.  pressure.  oh, the pressure!  my night ended with husband patting me on the head and tucking me into bed.  he made me promise to sit on my butt today.  hence, a blog post!

the cabinets sure are calling me today though...

zoo.

we've been waiting to take in the zoo this winter.  i kept telling the kiddos as soon as the temps were above freezing, we'd venture around on an afternoon.  finally!

37 degrees and even a little snowfall.  we skipped nap time, and even through a few fallen tears and minor meltdowns, we enjoyed our afternoon.  {and, mama enjoyed the early bedtime!}

there's something magical about fresh air.  it just does something to these kids.  putting aside the springtime arrival of baby 3, we all are ready for the clear sidewalks, 50 degree weather and ditching the bogs; cabin fever has taken its toll on us!

5-some years of being a mother, and my heart still grows with love for these beings.

advice

i came across this single piece of paper in a box of my high school shtuffs that also included such gems as: report cards, class schedules (!), friend's graduation announcements and senior photos, soccer medals from the early 90s, even some grade-A english papers.  anyway, i'm not sure where this came from or why i had it.  maybe my own mother gave it to me.  but, i thought of myself way back then and i know i didn't have a clue what this all meant.  really.  it's only been through motherhood, that i've REALLY understood my own mother's love and dedication to our family.  to me.  to her own mother.  i thought this was too sweet to not share.

a mother's advice to her daughter

be strong.  be intelligent.  smile.  know that beauty has everything to do with how you feel about yourself and nothing to do with looks or other people's opinions.  never do anything just because everyone else is if you believe it's wrong.  always be true to yourself.  expect the best from life and that's what you'll get.  learn from your mistakes and failures.  believe in magic and wish on stars.  love and trust and be compassionate.  make faces.  play in mud puddles.  take bubble baths.  turn off all the lights and watch lightning storms.  dance, laugh, cry, and sing when you want.  read everything you can get your hands on.  stand up for what is right even if you stand alone.  don't allow yourself or people around you to tolerate prejudices of any kind.  don't be afraid to try something new.  do something daring at least once a week.  run through snow drifts.  spin in circles and roll down hills.  pet puppies, hold kittens and talk to babies.  take afternoon naps.  wake up early to watch the sunrise.  never apologize for being a woman or for being yourself.  never forget that i love you more than any other person in the world, no matter how far apart we are, you will always be my daughter.

tear!

i'm SO thankful that the last line of that no longer applies to my mother and i!  so it's generic at times and may apply to even the manliest of men, but really, when you break it down, it's great words for us all to take in.  sometimes, it doesn't have to be so complicated.

plains bison [bison bison bison]

your chances of drawing a bison tag are to be compared to getting chomped on by a shark or struck down by lightning.  so in other words, my husband is a very lucky guy.  and, he knows it.

the day the names were released online, ben received many, many phone calls full of explicit language from extremely envious guys on the other end of the line.  he laughed it up with every single one of them.  even i was getting phone calls, yes, yes, that's my ben that received the tag.  

it's been nearly a year ago now, (that the names were posted) so this has been something he's looked forward to and planned all year.  i'm so happy and so proud of him - all the guys, really - and all his hard work to make this happen.  nobody wants to hunt in delta junction at negative 40 degrees, wind blowing, piercing through all your layers... but... wait, they DO want to, they're crazy enough, man enough and God bless them for it!

 ben and sean

 ben and jerry

they left on a friday morning and returned on a wednesday afternoon.  it wouldn't matter if it was only a long weekend, i would still have missed ben dearly.  dylan, too.  we were happy to welcome the boys home.  {ok, so dylan was really more excited to see sean, but it had been a while since his move out of state...}

ben was eager to show off his new trophy, calling me from the shop.  with the valley winds blowing (shocker, i know) they quickly unloaded the haul of meat and horns and, well, yuck.  i'm so pregnant.  this stuff never bothers me, and yet, i could smell it a mile away.  my heightened sense of smell is ridiculous these days...

but look - he's so proud.  

as he should be.

 that's bison heart, in the bottom right picture.

"mama, i luf sean."

a saturday in willow

the above series describes my uncle bob without using a single word.  and, as far back as i can remember, he's always been this way.  growing up, we visited his place knowing there would be plenty to do - the latest game system; those racing cars/tracks where you control the speed with a little hand-held contraption (and that you could even shock yourself with - c'mon, you know what i'm talking about!); candy in every corner of the house; rooms with toys still in the box; he even had a drawing table!  he's always been fun uncle bob.  it's so nice to see that overlap with my own children.

with ben out of town on his bison hunt, and with our warmer temps, i thought it would be good to get out of the house and venture up to willow.  after 4 trips to load up the rig with all our snow gear, sippies and snacks, a stop at the grocery store, and a movie playing to entertain (aka to keep the calm), we were off.

we left wasilla, a brisk 17 degrees and pulled into the driveway of the cabin at a tropical and welcoming 27 degrees.  it's incredible what 10 degrees can do for you!

like most of anchorage and the valley, willow didn't have much snow either.  lucky for us, thanks to uncle bob's large driveway and his plow truck, there were plenty of snowbanks to sled down, roll down and dig IN.

sledding fun

 tree house fun

 taking turns fun

 she's just FUN to look at!

i kept close to the fire.  i couldn't help it.  even with all my layers - and yep, THOSE extra layers as well - i was still cold.  it must be a corey thing.  {in my mind, i can practically hear my aunt and my mother saying i'm cooold, with a frowny-face expression.}  jack was great about stoking the fire, carrying armloads of logs over, and i even let him throw a few on.

notice uncle bob's "box" lunch?!

dylan wouldn't come near the fire. not sure if it was the heat or the sitting, but she was on the move all afternoon.  at one point, i lost sight of her and when i finally heard her calling to me, i saw that she had trudged through the snow, ALL the way on the other side of the cabin!  that's a lot of work for such little legs.  she's a toughie, that one.

"mama, i over here!"

super fun way to spend a saturday.  

babymoon, last day

our last day, new year's day, was a rainy one.  it was pouring at our bungalow, so we decided to pack our bags and drive until we reached dry skies.  well, that never happened.  midwest-like downpours, to alaska-like misting rain, drizzling on and off - it was pure silliness.  add to it that it was a holiday and most places were closed, and we had already taken in 3 movies because of rain other afternoons and evenings...

can you believe i tried to get us on 
an earlier flight home?!  

but, with full flights, we were stuck with our 9 pm departure.  a drive around the island, some last minute nordstrom rack shopping, one more quiet lunch alone and a last minute beach venture - oh yeah, there are ways to pass the time.   

spotted a funky vw, just for our jackie boy's funny obsession.

perfect bench on the north shore

 sandy beach

a special thank-you and shout-out to our momma's for watching the kiddos - nana lynn (and {great} grandma), thank you for caring for our sweet bubba man.  this trip could not have been possible without your unconditional support and love.  and ditto to you, gramma d - knowing dylan june was in your safe keeping meant a peace of mind for ben and myself.  we are so blessed to have two adoring grammas in our children's lives.  we're forever grateful for your presence.

ALOHA ♡