and sometimes life is REALLY hard.

invasive lobular carcinoma.  that's the kind of cancer that his rudely moved in on my mom's left side.  the audacity, really!  so, we've had some weeks of waiting, and oddly enough, it's been quietly in the back of my mind.  but, with surgery next week, i'm starting to feel the rise of panic in my chest.  sleepless nights.  staring into space.  even now, trying to rattle off the thoughts in my head have me at a loss for clarity.  life is hard; have i said that enough in 2013?!

we talk about this cancer shizz as if it's just every day news.  this is happening and then that, and we need to get such and such but not before blah happens.  then i fall into bed at night, and i can't believe this is actually our new reality.

surgery is scheduled for wednesday and should last 6-8 hours - that's a work day!  she'll stay the night in the hospital, and from there, it's couch city for about a month.  medicine pumps, dressings & drains, long snoozes, movies and gossip magazines, eating in bed, pedicures... i plan to pay her back for my bed rest stint!  ...hardly.

after the paragraphs above, i had to press save and put mac to sleep for a bit.  sitting here this morning, i'm grieving for a girlfriend that lost her brother AND her husband in a plane crash.  just last night.  in fact, while our family was together, laughing it up at the fair, making memories, she had likely heard that their plane was missing.  her loved ones inside.

names were released this morning.  my heart bends for her and her sweet little boy.  losing a sibling is unimaginable.  losing a spouse is something ben and i morbidly talk about often no, i wanna go first - no, i'm first! ok, fine, let's go at the same time.  but, our banter back and forth is said with smiles and long, dreamy gazes into each other's eyes.

i'm feeling huge amounts of sadness and pain for their families.  her brother was a new father, her husband, also a father and dearly loved son.  lynn is close friend's with his mother.  this just hits all sides.

so as we're preparing for my mother's surgery, it's just surgery.  she has cancer, but she's not gone.  kinda puts things in perspective.  i've been walking around in a daze, stunned that this surgery is upon us, and now, something really tragic is in front of us.

life is so unfair, at times.  this is why it's so important to be kind to each other.  favorite recent quote:

"let us be kind, one to another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle."   

- ian mclaren