sticks & stones

i've slowly started opening up to people: my mom has breast cancer.  every time those words leave my mouth, i'm stunned - just like those receiving my information.  i told a close friend today, and she had no words - just red-rimmed eyes that quickly filled with tears.  she's one of my closest friends, i've seen her every week since we all found out, and yet, i just couldn't tell her.  maybe i was afraid to hurt someone with these simple words.  and how ironic, we're brought up singing

sticks and stones may break my bones

but words will never hurt me

and now, that couldn't be further from the truth.  i want to be able to share, to have someone to lean on, but now i see how it pains people.  i can see myself relying more on these keys than the walking-talking.  for me, it's always been easier this way.

we know more but not much.  MRI last week.  her other side is now suspect and a second biopsy was done on monday morning.  awaiting results.  the weeks fill up with appointments and call-backs from doctor's offices.  my head is swimming and spinning.

this past weekend, i spoke to my oldest and dearest friend from my school days.  his mom battled and won, just a few years back.  he shared a quote that i'm sure will become my mantra through this journey

panic in sequential order    

right?!  every time my mind starts to race and worry and freak out about events that have yet to occur, i repeat this.  (usually followed by prayer!)  one day at a time.  maybe i should back it up to one hour at a time...