i feel dirty and stinky, and i miss makeup for the first time, like, ever in my life! i am having daydreams of facials and pedicures, getting waxed and taking 30-minute showers. but, despite my insecurities with the physical, my mom still wants to kiss me on the head, and jb constantly rubs my cheeks and calls me sweepheart. today, before he left for a porch picnic with gramma d, he came running back into the house exclaiming, i almost forgot to give you a smooch! have fun in bed, mama, i gotta go check on grammar!
why is it so easy to focus on the negative when we have so much positive around us?!
i heard a line yesterday that i can't let go of: i'm too blessed to be stressed. i really need to take that to heart!
on tuesday, i had a massage that could only be described as heavenly. my friend, heather, drove out to my house, with her table and two humongous bags filled with pillows, blankets and sheets. i was able to get off my shoulders and lay on my belly. for us stomach sleepers, sacrificing 6+ months of tummy sleeping is really hard work! she massaged me for 90 minutes, and i was nearly in tears by the end of it. having someone, even if it's their profession, make you feel brand new again - it's priceless. she doesn't normally do home visits, so just her willing to come to me, knowing my situation, i feel such a great amount of debt, appreciation and love for her.
also on tuesday, nana lynn came out to take bubba to gymnastics (and for a 3-day sleepover!). she had just as much fun witnessing him in action, as he did getting his wiggles out. she got to meet all my new friends, get in on the parent-kid-gossip, and apparently, everyone there is up to date on what's happening with me! there is a great group of people to chat with while we watch our children grow and learn. i know jb has benefitted from this experience in more ways than one.
so with jb staying in anchorage, gramma d, dylan and i had a pretty quiet week. without minion #1 getting minion #2 all fired up, we had lots of cuddle time. dylan was finally able to feel (and see!) baby kicking, and she could not have been more excited! now, whenever she sits on the bed with me, she pulls up my shirt and says, "mama, see the baby kicking now?" while instantly making an O with her mouth. she's getting it!
but, i think she's about at her limit. the last few bedtimes have ended in tears and sadness of, "i want you to close da door, not dada." or even this gem, "mama, i want you to get outta bed!" while tiny tears slide down her cheeks. i feel for her. she's been very patient and more than understanding. on friday, before my midwife showed up, dylan and i watched one youtube video after another, all while spooning and playing with her orangey locks. her favorites are the sesame street videos with will.i.am or adam sandler, bruno mars or my favorite, feist. she's watched the will.i.am video since her colic days. that was the only thing to snap her out of her incessant crying fits!
peggy visited on friday. this was the FUN visit i had been waiting for! we discussed my ideal birth and what that looked like; my labor techniques and my desire for a water birth, ben to catch baby, if not, me. she told me when to call her, and then quickly said that ben should be the one to call because it's likely i will be in denial - based on my last birth experience and how we nearly had a baby on the side of the road. ben agreed with peggy. ha! and of course, we talked about the what-ifs that could happen; never fun to hear but nice to be prepared. we ended the appointment with listening to baby 3's wicked heartbeat. also, i'm measuring ahead which i'm ok with, if baby decides to come early.
my birth kit arrived a few days ago. gramma d washed some towels on sanitize mode and packed them away in garbage bags. plastic sheeting is on hand. just need to run some bleach through the jetted tub, and we'll be ready to rock.
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