labor & birth

late tuesday evening, i began feeling crummy.  i felt rather period-like, full of cramps and discomfort but nothing like "typical" contractions, just short 30-second bursts of pay-attention-to-me.  wednesday morning, still feeling these annoyances, i contacted my midwife, and she asked me to come in for a check; i was 2-3 cm.  you'd think this would excite a gal, but i was a 2 on bed rest at 35 weeks.  plus, i just didn't feel like it was labor.  i drove home, still crummy, still discouraged, still pregnant and went about my day.

i corralled the kiddos and tucked them in for their afternoon snoozes.  gramma d was assigned to my latest sewing project (a pair of bookends for baby 3's room) as i was attempting to wrap up a blog.  but, every time i'd get into a rhythm of writing, i'd have to jump up from my birth ball to breathe through a contraction.  wasn't too long before i realized this might actually be baby 3's birthday.

around 3 pm, peggy called to see how i was doing.  i tried to down play what i was feeling, but i think she was already convinced as to how our evening would play out.  she insisted on heading over "to avoid the 5 o'clock traffic and get things set up."  i figured if she was coming over, i better alert ben.  they arrived within 10 minutes of each other, about an hour after our phone calls.

i allowed peggy to do her thing, as i did mine.  she was in and out of our bedroom and bathroom so i made my way to baby 3's room.  i labored between my grandmother's rocking chair and gripping onto the side of the baby crib.  pacing, swaying in the doorway, gazing out the window; anything to aid gravity and ease baby's descent.  all this was happening while benji was snoozing in our bed.  i'm sure peggy had her own thoughts about this situation, but i'm one that goes internal to focus and breathe and visualize.  it was a comfort just knowing he was home and not racing up the highway to make it in time.

unaware of the time, but i'd guess around 7-ish, i made my way into the tub.  peggy had checked me right before and i was measuring between 5-6 cm.  i wanted to labor as long as i could, walking around and using gravity, but i knew with transition right around the corner, the warm water would help to relax and (hopefully) help dilate faster.

no contraction

 contraction!

top right: peggy using the doppler to listen to baby

i was in the tub for a while.  my contractions were closer together, only 30-40 seconds in length, but each more powerful than the last.  i couldn't help but moan and breath loudly through them.  i wavered between embarrassment over being so "vocal" and not even realizing who was coming and going.  peggy mentioned stella had arrived (midwife #2/doula) and i remember thinking ok, so?!  the contractions were crazy-intense, low in my abdomen, radiating between my legs.

within the hour or so, i was feeling the urge to push with each contraction.  is it crazy that with my third natural childbirth, i've never been checked and heard the words "you're 10 cm, time to push!"  the uterus is an AMAZING muscle, and i so wish ladies would trust their bodies to show what it's capable of!



so with that, i looked at ben and stated: i wanna get out of here.  i meant the tub and that's what he took it as, but in hindsight, i know i just wanted out of the situation!  ugh!  it's such long, hard work getting to 10 cm - i mean, you wait 9 (10) months to meet your baby; all the prenatal appointments, blood work, ultrasounds, morning (all day) sickness, bed rest (!!!), weeks upon weeks of contractions, all to hold and raise this tiny being - and then you really don't want to do it at all!  i don't remember saying this, but after getting out of the tub and being paralyzed by 2 contractions, i looked benji in his eyes and said, don't leave me.  can you imagine?  hey, annie, i gotta run out for a sec!  ha!

i got out of the tub at 8:01 pm.

from tub to bed, i had 3 contractions, each one worse than the previous one.  all while standing and all pushing contractions.  i maneuvered myself onto the bed and complained that i couldn't feel my arms.  they were completely numb and tingly, that fallen-asleep-sandy feel, you know?  ben later said it was likely because of the way i was holding myself up at the counter, almost in a standing push-up position.  anyway, my arms were really distracting me, making me feel extremely weak.

i was laying on my side, and baby did not like this position, as the heart rate began to drop.  backing up, at my 36-week check up with peggy, she went over all the emergency procedures.  the one that really stuck out in my mind was her saying if i ask you to do something, you need to do it immediately.  so with that, she told me to get up and sit on the birth stool, right next to the bed.  ben helped me (ok, like, picked me up) and sat behind me, holding me.



i was given oxygen for the baby.  i was given oxygen with dylan, too, because her heart rate dropped once she was in the birth canal.  this didn't alarm me in the least, and it helped get my breathing under control.  as i was pushing through contractions on the birth stool, i heard peggy say to stella, call 911.  you'd think i would have panicked over hearing those words, but a second later, peggy told me that if i got the baby out now, we could call it off.  i began pushing in between contractions, just completely focused on holding my baby.

i remember feeling as if i were underwater - i could hear commotion and voices around me, but only my breathing and peggy's voice, instructing me in this way and that, made any sense.  pushpushpush, ok, stop.  there's the head.  at this point, ben heard peggy say there's no cord meaning they thought baby's cord was around the neck.  i didn't hear this.  with another push, baby came out and into my hands.  then, very clearly i heard peggy say, call off 911.

it was 8:13 pm.





twelve minutes of i-don't-know for ben, but for me, baby was out, baby was breathing and baby was very, very cute!  headful of black hair, pink cheeks (blue hands and feet) and oh!  what is it?

it's a GIRL.  

we have another daughter!  tears.  lots and lots of tears.  i won't say who cried more, but i will say someone was very relieved how it all played out.  my version of the birth is very different from ben and the midwives.  i really feel for him.  i was confident in my ability to birth our baby and could feel the head descending with each pushing contraction.  but man.  ben later told me he was looking at the midwives and neither of them would make eye contact with him.  my heart hurts for him and where his mind will go when he thinks of this experience.  but.  thank you, God, for blessing us with a healthy baby.

tess anne ♡  

8 pounds 6 ounces
20 inches long

my biggest baby yet!

{jackie was 7 pounds 8.5 ounces and 20 inches long; dyl was 7 pounds 3 ounces and 20.5 inches long}