Saturday, February 18, 2012

back post #1

july 2011


i tried on wedding dresses today.  odd?  odd that i've been married nearly 5 years and find myself stepping into yards and yards of fabric?  not really.  i mean, ben and i got married in slacks.  me in taupe and him in black.  he wore a black button down shirt that showcased his bulk in a way that still makes me giddy.  i wore a creamy lace top with a camisole underneath.  short sleeve.  i wore pearls in my ears and around my wrist.  i wore my most favorite boots, beige numbers with a sexy 3.5 inch heel.  and best of all, i brought along our 6 week embryo.  


we found out we were expecting, and within a 10-day period, were wed.  my parents were absent. ben's mother and sister were in attendance, along with my two aunts and my uncle.  my girlfriend sarah snapped a dozen pictures.  my mother surprised me with a phone-ordered bouquet that my aunt brought with her.  it really was special.  


i'll never forget the feeling i had as ben and i made our way into anchorage on that afternoon.  i looked over at him as we were driving through eagle river, and thought, i'm gonna marry that man in an hour.  ha!  i may have squealed.  we were in love.  and yet, i can't believe i thought i knew what love was because i love him, like, a thousand times more than i did all those years ago.  he's given me the best gifts in the whole wide world; our jack and our dylan.  we've built a house and made it a home.  


so why did i try on wedding dresses today? because we are about to do things right.  we're renewing our vows on our 5th wedding anniversary.  me in a dress, i'm thinking ball gown, go-for-it, princess (oh, i cringe at that word) but it's true.  ben and jack in matching beachy-linen attire.  my father to match them as well, since he's actually giving me away.  ourdreamsarecomingtrue!  

i tried on a few mermaid cuts.  dropped waist, full skirt.  i saw a picture in a catalogue that i think may be the one.  actually, no, i already have THE ONE, his name is benji, but i'm looking for the dress that brings tears to my eyes.  
it's such an odd feeling and my mind is constantly battling my heart.  


this is totally ridiculous and selfish, but yet, we kinda deserve this.  


we both want to renew our vows.  i want the dress and pictures.  he wants me to have that moment.  and, my father has never let him forget that he didn't get to walk his daughter down the aisle.  i know that's important to both the men in my life.

vow renewal.  all our family on the beach.  our two kids present and dressed up.  
maui, here we come.  march can't come soon enough!

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