adventures of the miebs family: a day for grandma

i could have stayed in today. i could have bummed around the house, moping and fighting back the tears. i could have not taken off my jammies, kept the kiddos in their jammies, watched movies, done early naps and counted the hours until the clock struck midnight. but. it would have still come. it would have still made my mind go. so instead of all that nonsense, i jumped out of bed to shower, rousted the kids to the table for some cinnamon toast, packed lunches (and extra snacks!), loaded the truck and drove into the mountains. a long time ago, i remember my mother telling me that the mountains made my grandma feel claustrophobic, and yet, when i'm in them (and around them) i couldn't feel more at peace.

the drive back to eklutna lake is 9 long miles at 30 mph. twists and turns and roller coaster-like ups and downs, all the while climbing, climbing, climbing; i'm sure my ears popped half a dozen times en route. as we passed the atv parking lot, jack piped up from the back i 'member parkin dere with dada and the 4 yeeeeeler. then without missing a beat good memory, huh, mama? gosh, i love him and his little mind.

so in remembrance of my grandmother's (what would have been) 80th birthday, i thought it best to be up in the mountains (always closer to God) and closer to her. right? i really can't express how much i miss her. this past february was 11 years since her passing, and the saying that time heals all wounds... it does and it doesn't. time makes it easier to deal, to cope, but i miss her more and more with each passing year and each passing milestone in my life AND my children's lives. she was just 69 years old. it's really not fair.

my beautiful friend, roberta, lost her granny a few years ago. she was very closer to her, and i knew that if anyone could handle listening to me reminisce, it would be her. we both shared stories, smiles and that deep desire to have those ladies still in our lives. i do take comfort in the relationship i shared with her. there are no regrets. there aren't those moments of oh, i wish i would have spent more time with her. (only i wish i COULD spend more time with her!!!) i told her things that i couldn't talk about with anyone else. she was a good voice of reason and was never one to judge. she listened whole-heartedly. but, what i miss more than anything are those moments of just being in her presence. her on one end of the sofa, me on the other. i daydream of those times.

it was a gorgeous day but strikingly chilly. i don't think either of us were expecting quite the nip that was in the air. up there, the snow on the mountains is a lot closer to the ground than what we're seeing in the valley. IT'S COMING! this was probably our last visit until next spring. i look forward to doing this walk next year, chasing dylan, for sure.

he's such a beauty.

look at that snow line!

a second later, that thumb was in her mouf.

mister cutie

notice that rock tucked in the crook of her arm?

this moment makes me so happy to have a daughter of my own.

i'm only including this picture because at this exact moment,

she is saying - no - growling CHEESE.

the girls building rock towers

jack's surprise face

little love birds

on any other day, we would have made our way back home to the comfort of beds, blankies and gloworms. but, this wasn't just any other day. remembering how important it was to my grandfather to continue to celebrate grandma's birthday, we often drove to the cemetery to place flowers, wipe off her headstone and feel her presence (at least i did). so, the kids and i stopped off at the florist, jackie picked out some vibrant sunflowers (that were about as big as him), and we swung by to visit the corey's. as we pulled in, jackie said where'd papa jack go? and again, before i could answer, he finished his question with oh, there's papa jack! see, the cemetery borders 6th avenue (the road out of anchorage, heading home) and there isn't a time driving by that i don't blow a kiss, wave or tell jackie to do it, too. for the past year though, he's done it on his own. i usually spill a few tears and smile. and this time, he spouted off with something new: mama, dat's the same name as meeee!

if it were true, i would say i instructed jack through every picture that you see. but, it's not the case. i made sure to get in front of him, but he did all the placing, kissing and cuteness on his own. i guess we've come here enough that he knows the drill!

they've got a great view of the chugach